Regrets and Memories
by Tairi Soraryu
Summary: Whose fault was it that neither of them had loved the other enough? It’s only after she’s gone that Inuyasha can say how much he wanted her to stay...


Disclaimer: Don't get the misconception that I own any sort of rights to these characters. I can only say, I wish.

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Regrets and Memories**

Inuyasha's golden eyes snapped open, and he stared at the rustling leaves overhead, the quiet autumn breeze whispering through the full foliage of the holy tree where he spent his nights. It was rather late in the season, but the bone-snapping chill of winter had yet to settle across the land, and the nights were still comfortable enough in the open air. His sigh was quiet, a soft exhalation of defeat, of regret, as he sat up to prop his shoulders against the rough bark of the large tree trunk behind him.

_When all our tears have reached the sea  
Part of you will live in me  
Way down deep inside my heart_

He closed his eyes, but it was an abortive attempt as her face flickered across his mind's eye, her face as he'd last seen it—tear-stained, heartbroken, with grief shattering through her eyes as she'd stared at him, so helpless and lost, so hurt and so broken…

So utterly betrayed.

_The days keep coming without fail  
A new wind is gonna find your sail  
That's where your journey starts_

She hated him. There was no doubt about it; she had no choice but to hate him for it. For what he'd done. For what he'd chosen. For the decision he'd made.

"Did I have a choice?" he muttered aloud, but it was the instinctive self-defense mechanism he knew would offer him no solace from the raging grief inside his heart.

_There's always a choice._

Of course there'd been a choice. He'd chosen, hadn't he? He'd chosen poorly, perhaps, but it had been his decision to make, and he'd done the only thing he'd known he could.

So she'd have to hate him for eternity.

Tears threatened to fall, and Inuyasha found he couldn't dredge up the energy to fight them back. He didn't even know if he'd have the energy to wipe them away. Instead, he stared through the leaves of summer to the star-studded sky above, and wished with his aching heart that her life, at least, was better now.

_You'll find better love  
Strong as it ever was  
Deep as the river runs  
Warm as the morning sun_

The thought of Kagome falling in love again hurt, but Inuyasha let the roiling pain storm through his gut, let the claws of despair latch into his intestines. And, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, he let it roll on through. Let it pass. Someday, someone would love her the way he hadn't been able to. Someone worthy of her love in return would show her everything beautiful in a world he'd made her see was dark, evil, and full of hate and anger.

But despite it all, his only, his final, request…

_Please remember me_

Kagome smiled shyly at Yamaguchi Ryotaro as they paused on her doorstep, uneasy in that silence at the end of a date. Her hand was tucked safely into his, and their eyes met, slowly, softly; her heart twisted sharply as he leaned in and pressed his lips lightly to hers. Even as she struggled to respond in kind, to relax under his gentle affection, her mind insisted on turning away, on focusing on the shadows that lingered in her memory.

A shadow named Inuyasha.

_Just like the waves down by the shore  
We're gonna keep on coming back for more  
Cause we don't ever wanna stop_

He'd told her that he was through with her, hadn't he? He'd made it perfectly clear that he was done, that what they'd had—_whatever_ they'd had—was meaningless. Worthless.

Ryotaro smiled down at her, but it was a sad sort of smile, and Kagome sighed as she bowed her head in apology. This was their fourth date in as many weeks, and still…still. Her heart shuddered as he released her fingers and, with a murmured promise to call her to see if she'd be free the next weekend, waved good-bye before starting down the stairs.

He'd walked her home. Wasn't that sweet?

And yet…still…

_Out in this brave new world you seek  
Oh, the valleys and the peaks  
And I can see you on the top_

Inuyasha found he did have the energy to wipe away his tears as they trickled, tickling, irritating, down his cheeks. He stared at the watery sky, shimmering through the layer of water, and he sniffled, hating himself for the weak and all-too _human_ sound. He couldn't help her now; he'd never been able to help her, despite all his promises, those all-too easily destroyed bonds of words and love—hah, love—but now he could protect her.

He could wish her happiness.

_You'll find better love  
Strong as it ever was  
Deep as the river runs  
Warm as the morning sun_

Giving in, giving up, Inuyasha pressed his face into his hands and let loose one long, shaking sob as the misery rolled through him. He couldn't be it. He couldn't have been the one for her. He couldn't…

_Please remember me_

It was a curse, Kagome decided as she slowly stripped off the knee-length navy blue skirt she'd worn with a lighter blue summer-weight sweater. She was simply cursed, just as _he_ had been for fifty years, stuck to a tree. As math wasn't exactly her strong suit, it took her a moment to calculate that, indeed, she'd be cursed for more or less fifty more years with this haunting memory of him. Of his shy, sweet smile—when she could coax, bribe, or beat it out of him—of his gentle touch, his fingers caressing her cheek in silent apology; of his eyes, glowing, gleaming, fierce and golden and loving—hah, love—when he'd looked at her.

And those eyes had promised that he'd looked only at her, forever.

Try as she might, she couldn't get him off her mind. Couldn't blame him for what he'd did. Oh, it would have made it infinitely easier if she could have hated him. But she couldn't.

Because she loved him. She'd always loved him.

Whose fault was it that neither of them had loved the other enough?

Resigned, Kagome dragged on a long-sleeved shirt and sweats for pajamas before padding barefoot down the quiet hall to the bathroom. Locking the door behind her, she stared at herself in the mirror, at the sleep rings under her eyes masterfully hidden by the careful application of make-up; at the gaunt hollows of her cheeks that others would have dismissed just as fashionable slenderness. At those shadows, named Inuyasha, that dogged her tired eyes.

_Remember me when you're out walkin'  
When the snow falls high outside your door_

Inuyasha watched the first flakes drift down from a slate-gray sky. The seasons had changed. It was, now that he thought about it, sort of an amazing process, the brilliant golds, the rich reds, of autumn fading into the crisp browns-and-grays of winter, the snow blanketing the world in a muffled, snowy silence. He'd never noticed…before.

His bare feet stung a little with the bite of snow, melting against his warm skin; Inuyasha forced the minor discomfort out of his mind as he continued on his solo journey, the flakes brushing his shoulders, clinging to the long strands of his hair.

_Or late at night when you're not sleepin'_

_And light falls across your floor_

Kagome rolled over, tucking her nose against the warmth of her pillow as she half-turned her head to stare at the window. Even with the drapes drawn, that one sliver of moonlight slashed across her hardwood floor. It was a full moon—night of the werewolves, Kagome thought with a small, pained smile. She didn't believe in werewolves, she didn't believe in angels, she didn't believe in miracles.

She wasn't sure she could believe in love.

_When I can't hurt you anymore_

He stared at the tombstone, and his heart felt like it was shredding. Just peeling off into thin, tiny little pieces, insignificant and miniscule, to be lost in the void of his soul—if such a thing existed. How many times had he been told that he, a hanyou, didn't have one?

_Not once did _she_ tell me that._

Inuyasha lifted hesitant fingers to the cold stone marker, pressed his palm against the engraved words, feeling the familiar words etched in his mind. _Kikyo. Priestress. Protector of our village. Loved forever._

Loved…by whom?

_You'll find better love  
Strong as it ever was  
Deep as the river runs  
Warm as the morning sun_

The sun edged its way through a break in the soupy clouds, sending startled, bright rays down to earth. Inuyasha blinked at the unexpected illumination, clearing his vision as he watched the sunlight play over the empty field at his back, the mountains looming ahead. There were always mountains ahead…but there none that he couldn't climb.

Tipping back his head, Inuyasha let one last, lingering tear slide down his cheek, felt the sun's comforting warmth bathe his face. He'd failed her, he'd failed them both. Kikyo hadn't been given a second chance.

Kagome would be.

Kagome had the rest of her life, Inuyasha thought as he straightened on legs gone stiff. Kagome had forever to find happiness. He turned from the quiet grave and, eyes on the mountains, headed into the distance, alone. He could only hope that she would move on, that she could move on. He could only hope…

_Please remember me_

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12.20.04

NOTES: Well, that one wasn't my best, and the angst was sort of sketchy at times. Hope you liked it, though…This is, actually, what I think would make the best ending to the manga. And though I love Inuyasha with all my heart, I doubt he could make any sort of commitment. I doubt Kagome could, either, and I don't love her with even half my heart.

Lyrics shamelessly stolen from Tim McGraw's **Please Remember Me**.


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